Saturday, May 31, 2008

today went to eat wif fang di group of ppl, after that study wif them..tong tong teach me alot on maths..really learn alot =)..feeling quite sian and empty now..blur blur dunno what i doing, no mood to do things..


the truth is tearing up my heart
i cant recognize this place
the endless road without a stop sign
cant even find a stranger this time
why am i still holding back my tears
in this loneliness there's nothing to fear
every chord still seems a wonder
how we could be together
every time i ask if this would be the last
why am i still talking to myself
hoping you will have the keys to my cell
every song might calm the weather
but it just draws me deeper
how do i get out of this
i think i never will
a crystal forming in the eye
maybe this would be the last
the winding path down my face
till it begin to taste the bitterness inside

8:17 PM

hehex, yst nite played audi wif jen they all..really very fun and enjoyable lorx, soooo long nv play wif jen audi till so happy le =)..today play table tennis wif yao guang they all..super funny and fun..really laugh till i bth lorx..today is 1 of the most enjoyable day i had in my TP life till now =)..eat dinner wif zhao lin,fang di,tong tong,su jun and laura..super fun, yst and today really very happy ^o^..

12:08 AM Thursday, May 29, 2008

today did my edevice labtest, comprog quiz and assignment..all not very well done, maybe jus pass only..haix, quite disappointed sia..nvm, will chiong and score well for my term test de..


多远才算有距离？三公分还是三公里？
还是更远的地方？
你在吗? 给我一个距离,让我知道我离你有多远好吗?

Distance...

在距离三公里的位置 我在这里 想象心中的你的呼吸
同样的熄着灯的窗子 你在那里 听不到我呼吸着分离
我走向前 你看不见 真的遥远 就连叹息 影子听见 也似无言
你走向前 我看不见 你的思念
你和我之间 刻着一条界线 不曾有改变
保留着三公分得距离 我的眼里 填满着整个我爱的你
坐在同一张四方桌子边 你的眼里 读不到眷着我的讯息
当爱离开之前 能多痛 能多深 能多甜
距离是你走过我身边..

6:16 PM

have been very busy recently..keep doing project and trying to study for my term test..hell lot of test,quiz and labtest coming..sooo stress sia..feeling very sian recently, think i noe the reason but dun feel like saying..yawn, i not enuff slp sia..think tonite going to slp early, tmr morning still have labtest..i'm am the first batch to go in, wish me luck~ ^o^

12:12 AM Monday, May 26, 2008

jus do finish my jap project on Chado..today got back my maths quiz result, got 18/20 for it..kinda disappointed, thought i could score full marks..bcos of careless mistake i nv get full marks..

feeling so tired now, maybe go into audi awhile then after that go watch my dvd..nth much to update today..btw my handphone ok le and HAPPY BDAY TO KIE IAN~ =)..take care all =)

11:37 PM Sunday, May 25, 2008

today ah gong was cremated but we did not follow till the place cos not long ago grandma jus passed away..it's not allowed..hmmx, alot test coming up ><..

i got something i wanna say but i dun wanna mention names, jus think abt it and see if it fits into ur category =)..how i treat ppl depends on how ppl treat me, dun treat me as invisible and take me for granted..dun come find me only when u are bored or when u have problems..that's not all~ even when speaking, tone also changed..now i noe how fast humans can change =)..dun be surprised that my attitude towards u have changed tremendously =)..GOOD LUCK IN WHATEVER U DO xD

6:37 PM Saturday, May 24, 2008

jus now saw a gal at my hse downstair when i buying bubble tea, looks so much like bella sia..even the gestures also looks like her..saw bella's blog le, wish she is happy =)..

Anyway, my heart is closed too =)..after jen's incident, i felt totally hurt..but thought i found a new life, seems like not anymore =)..actually recently when i nv really contact bella, i got the feeling liao la..haha, my ling gan is really getting more zhun..

not gonna wait for any1 anymore, gonna live my own life..gonna study well and get a better future for myself..dun talk to me abt love, cos i wont entertain to it..i got my own life now, i live for myself not for others..its ok to be selfish once in awhile, i learn that now =)..

5:16 PM Friday, May 23, 2008

jus now went to meet jen, waited for the stupid bus 55 for 25mins and i'm sure to be late..then my phone cannot use so i took a bus to serangoon to find public phone to tell her i'm gonna be late, find phone also need to find till abt 10mins =.=..all the phone removed sia..after that jiu went to meet her, taka and taka's fren..when i first saw her i was so nervous cos so long nv meet le then dunno will awkward or not..i haven got this nervous for super long sia, like when i first time saw her that kinda pattern lorx..starting dun really have things to talk to, dun really dare to look her into her eyes..can see that she trying find things to talk to me and scared i being left alone, then i reply and chat lorx..

went to find cap wif them..after that wanted to find a place to sit down but all the mac,kfc and mos burger are full hse..went to Bishan blk 511, jen eat then they drink water..after that wanna go AMK play pool but some of them underage so ask taka accompany them home..left me and jen go AMK together, go up till the pool there soooo full sia(as expected cos it's friday)..then waited awhile but in the end jen says dun wait le cos quite late liao, jus go downstair chat chat lorx..went to 7-eleven to buy drink for her and i used that 1 dollar note in my wallet..think jen and a few ppl noe that no matter how broke or poor i am, i nv ever use that 1 dollar de..counted as a lucky charm to me ba, but after so many things happen i dun think that it is lucky anymore LOL..so used it away and decided to start everything afresh =)..after that chat alot wif jen lorx, sit down and talk abt our life..very relax, dunnit purposely go find topic talk..like the first time she come SG meet me like that, very jian dan..

really feel very relax after seeing her..past few months nv really feel that relax, even though there were time where i feel relax and happy but still haven put down the stone in my heart..jus now meet dao her, i feel like i put down the heavy stone in my heart le..finally i faced my fear of meeting her, now i noe wont feel awkward seeing her le..noe that she previously really in a bad mood from the conversation wif her jus now..but now i think that she will very soon start afresh and stand up again le, from the expression of her eyes jus now..glad to noe that she is doing fine =)..that's all i needa noe ^o^..she is still the jen i noe and i am still myself =)..REALLY FEEL HAPPY AND RELAX NOW~ nth i wanna think of le, i'm satisfied wif the current situation le..jus now saw her then i rmb what i learn when i wif her and after we break..to keep myself calm and think of things on both side..most importantly be myself ^o^

11:43 PM

today get back dfund paper, i passed =)..think all my core subject quiz i pass..time to work hard and study le xD..wasted too much time in my life..humans will change but dunno why i wont change de sia..everytime do things like do the same old things de..

recently my classmate in msn ask me things..she talk abt r/s things, then ask me issit guys easier to forget abt the past? WTH, damn sian lorx almost all gals think that way..it's really bullshit lor, then how come there are gals that break liao within so short period of time got another bf? how come there are guys stupid waiting for patch or after that dun wan go into r/s again? Actually is how much u put into the r/s and how much u expect to get back..if u dun expect to get back anything, jus wan the person u like to stay happy only, then u wont feel so sad..of cos break liao will sad, but then it all depends on each person's mindset. Mindset that wan a better life and move on, how strong the person mind is..am i rite to say that?

Anyway, my HP got problem T_T..either sot liao or line tio cut T_T..so anything pls contact my hse(63867631)and ask for benny or email me..i really feel like going sing kbox sia..later meeting jen, pass her things to her and pei her go buy cap for her audi haizi..sooo long nv meet liao sia..hao la, DJ BENNY got a song for u all =)

雨不停落下来
花怎么都不开
尽管我细心灌溉
你说不爱就不爱
我一个人欣赏悲哀
爱只剩下无奈
我一直不愿再去猜
钢琴上黑键之间
永远都夹着空白
缺了一块就不精采
紧紧相依的心如何
say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼
把手放开不问一句
say goodbye
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快
心有一句感慨
我还能够跟谁对白
在你关上门之前
替我再回头看看
那些片段还在不在
紧紧相依的心如何
say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼
把手放开不问一句
say goodbye
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快
紧紧相依的心如何
say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼
把手放开不问一句
say goodbye
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快

5:58 PM Thursday, May 22, 2008

sry every1, yst very bad mood so wrote alot of vulgarities here =x..today feeling better abit liao..today when doing my math quiz made a careless mistake sia..haix, cannot get full marks liao..recently playing audi wif bing they all quite fun,everytime wan go NPC will call me along de..

now my only target that i noe i can achieve is to get good result in my studies..nothing can stop me if i really study..all other things dun wan think liao =)..gonna study well, get a good cert and then after my NS can get a good job ^o^

11:59 PM

fking pissed now..kns parents keep nagging, jus online awhile also cannot meh? today stupid like fk, like mad like that..knn wan relax awhile also cannot..super bad mood recently la, fking shit~!! dunno what's happening to every1 zzz...

I'M GOING TO BOMB LIAO~!~！！！！！！ EVERYTIME HEAR PPL NAG NAG NAG,NOT FAN AH!!? BETTER DUN HAVE PPL COME IRRITATE ME RECENTLY.. I WONT HESITATE TO GIVE THEM A GOOOOOD LESSON..

FUCKING SHIT DAYS I HAVE THIS FEW MONTHS..WTF IS WRONG!?

12:17 AM

haix..after chinese new year nth really goes well sia..first is i broke off wif jen, after that is grandma pass away and now my ah gong(mother's father) pass away..sooo many things happens sia, tmr still have maths quiz, hope i can pass..i already passed my Edevice quiz but next week there are more test coming up..when can i have a break?

12:02 AM Tuesday, May 20, 2008

haha..yst met heng go eat ice-cream and talk talk..suddenly got the feel wanna dance and try out some of the bboy moves..now i noe why Ray says that i rusty liao..i ask heng took some of the pics so that i can see where went wrong wif my moves..

today damn tired and stress lorx, although jap lesson in the morning is fun but after that really stress..do the stupid PCB(printed circuit board~ i nv say vulgarities ah =x) connection..in the end still got 6 red lines in the circuit..then the worst thing that happen today is Henry din turn up for sch today..we are suppose to discuss abt our PSPS presentation tmr but he is absent..i have to read up all of his slides in case he din turn up tmr..after that he called me and said tmr he will turn up, but what IF he nv turn up? Then I'm the 1 that die lorx..he can have accuse saying that Myanmmar got cyclone..

now trying to do my project, slowly find things for my jap presentation next week too..very stress sia, so many things to do..

10:23 PM Monday, May 19, 2008

yst nite ki siao..dunno why damn bad mood..drink my dad's martell till left half bottle..later he see it sure tio nag again le..hehex, jus played audi using bella acc..helped her drain UBP then earned till 516k dens..

hmmx..for those ppl who have been reading my blog, u all will noe that i already have a gal i like le..actually jus wanna say i cherish every1 as my frens but i cannot accept any1 cos of the above reason..not that i dun appreciate how u treat me, jus that its the feeling..take care all, cya =)

4:41 PM Sunday, May 18, 2008

hmmx..today actually wanna go ave 8 to change my bicycle chain but relative come my hse to pray so nv go le..jus sent zhao lin the PSPS project things, all the project and quiz, term test, lab test coming sia..haha, later maybe go play audi awhile..help bella lvl up, do the story mode is the fastest liao i think..

now is the time for DJ BENNY to play a song for u all (although dun really have song, jus the lyrics only). hehex, old song but i like it..very nice rite? =)

难以忘记初次见你
一双迷人的眼睛
在我脑海里
你的身影
挥散不去
握你的双手感觉你的温柔
真的有点透不过气
你的天真
我想珍惜
看到你受委屈
我会伤心
只怕我自己会爱上你
不敢让自己靠的太近
怕我没什么能够给你
爱你也需要很大的勇气
只怕我自己会爱上你
也许有天会情不自禁
想念只让自己苦了自己
爱上你是我情非得已
什么原因
我竟然又会遇见你
我真的真的不愿意
就这样陷入爱的陷阱

8:11 PM Saturday, May 17, 2008

jus reach home not long..jus now went to hougang green alone to return my comic..on the way there and on the way back i have been thinking of things..thinking of things that i went through and things that i have learnt from those experience..enjoying the breeze as i walk to macdonald to buy my late dinner..feel like going to east coast or sentosa to ton..wanna enjoy the breeze at the seaside, jus quietly listen to the wave of the sea..it's so wonderful lor, especially when a person have too many things to think off..recently i am stress abt studies and alot of things ba, jus wanna go ton over there and enjoy, relax myself..dunnit talk too much, jus enjoy and think of things under the moon and stars =)..SOOOOO relaxing de, long time nv like that liao ><

9:31 PM

LOL, wah my "ling gan" getting more zhun le..i got the feeling jen will break our audi main acc cpl, really when i go in break liao lehx..actually sooner or later i feel like breaking the cpl le, how i noe she faster than me..LOL, cos it's like put the rot like that, rather break away lorx..prevent misunderstanding also =)..

after that use bella acc go in audi, wanna help her either lvl or earn dens..went into UBP room jus now saw bingbing, then play wif her UBP..helped bella earned abit of dens..though not alot by i tried my best =)..sooo bored, saturday stay at home do nth..maybe later go return comic and borrow comic =)

5:33 PM Friday, May 16, 2008

today after sch went to heng class again..damn fun sia, kaiming came out wif a funny idea lorx..they took balloons filled wif helium, inhale it and talk..the voice become damn funny lorx, especially kaiming and jaslin de..laugh till every1 sot diao..they got take video sia, next time take from them..after he dismiss, went to tampines wif him to meet kie ian..kie ian bought for heng 3 maple story toys, very cute sia..he also bought for me a dice wif many words on it, meant for game de..thanks for the present too, very cute and next time i can bring out to play wif frens, maybe when ppl open chalet? went to haagan daz(dunno how to spell) to eat ice cream, super delicious xD..omg la, i today spent $20+ jus on food alone~!! Go sch also spend so much sia, i am so dead..hehex, suddenly a song came to my mind =xx..nice song and nice lyrics, meaningful to me xD

当我伫立在窗前
你愈走愈远
我的每一次心跳
你是否听见
当我徘徊在深夜
你在我心田
你的每一句誓言
回荡在耳边
隐隐约约闪动的双眼
藏着你的羞怯
加深我的思念
两颗心的交界
你一定会看见
只要你愿意走向前
天天想你天天问自己
到什么时候才能告诉你
天天想你天天守住一颗心
把我最好的爱留给你
都给你......都给你....

9:44 PM quiz quiz

Got this quiz from bella =xx

A) people who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. these people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. continue this game by sending it to other people.

#1 if your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
i will be damn angry and sad of cos~ but perhaps i would forgive her .

#2 if you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
i would like to have unlimited dreams so that all my dreams will come true =x

#3 what will your dream wedding be like?
jus be wif the person i love most and walk the red carpet together =)

#4 are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
sort of~

#5 what's your ideal lover like?
hmmx, let me think..
- cute and pretty
- understanding
- caring
- not those act cute and jia jia type
- respect me and my surrounding ppl
- love me for who im not wad am i
- wholeheartedly love me only

that's ideal lover la, possible to have this kinda ppl? LOL!

#6 which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
being loved by some1 i love(of cos i will treat my love 1 good la) ^o^

#7 How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love?
not sure lei, until my feeling slowly fades off? longest i've waited b4 is 1yr+..

#8 if the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
i will keep it to myself, if i really like that person then i will wait..
won't be 3rd party definitely~! when the person is attached, jus be there for her and make her happy..when u see the person u like happy, u will feel happy too de =)..

#9 is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
erm not really say unhappy la, jus feeling very weird =x

#10 what do you want most in life?
happy, safe and healthy always wif my family, frens and love 1(if there is =x)

#11 is being tagged fun?
yup yup, kinda can write out how i feel too..wahaha~

#12 how do you see yourself in ten years time?
i will be damn old liao la~ 31year old leii..but think i will have my own family, house and car..staying happily wif my whole family..(imagination not bad hor?) =xx

#13 who are currently the most important people to you?
my family and frens..

#14 what kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
erm, good question..i think she is a slping piggy, very naughty, kinda cute at times, blur blur gong gong de and sometimes quite ah lian =xx (am i right?)

#15 would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
depends if that is a happy marriage or not la..if it is a sweet and happy 1, then i dun mind being poor as long as happy wif my love 1 and family(what's more important then being happy wif some1 u love and ur family?)..it's not like i nv been poor b4..(NOW I AM DAMN POOR TOO!!!)

#16 what's the first thing you do every morning?
think of.. haha, u all go guess lorx =xx

#17 would you give all in a relationship?
erm, think i will lehx..if dun dare or dun wan give ur all and try ur best then what for go into the relationship rite? of cos really like and think b4 liao then go into a relationship ma..

#18 if you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
i will pick the one who loves me more

#19 what type of friends do you like?
cheerful, outgoing, entertaining

#20 if you played a prank on someone, & he/she fell for the trick, what would you do?
confirm laugh at the person lorx..gong gong fall for my trick =xx

Tagged by:: Bella
Here are the 3 lucky people who's gonna be tagged:
ah heng
mimi
ah lian

9:19 PM Thursday, May 15, 2008

recently keep being bitten by mosquitoes..yst and today killed mosquitoes, it's DENGUE mosquitoes..pray that nth happen to me, if not this is the 2nd time and i can say sayonara to every1 liao..without noticing, i noe bella for more than a month liao worx..14april till now,LOL..I this few days hardly talk much ah? dunno lei, the more i wanna be myself, the more i hack care and jus do the things i like and makes me happy..getting selfish? perhaps i am, actually there's nth wrong in being selfish once in awhile..life is a journey that we go through up and down..dunnit always "qian jiu" ppl..but i am scared that i will be back to my secondary sch life like that..kinda sian of those "ah beng" lifestyle..aiya suan le ba, jus stay happy ba..no matter what happens, it has to happen for a reason =)

7:33 PM Wednesday, May 14, 2008

haha, yst chat wif bella on phone..she ask me can chat wif her till she slp or not..of course can rite? she very cute lor, 2 nites ago she have nitemare then wanna call me but i already fell aslp and put my hp to silent mode le..ps ah bella =x..wahaha, jus played wif her audi..very fun sia..keep laughing lorx..hehex, thats the thing i wan..enjoy ourselves =)..currently chatting on phone wif her now ^o^..recently i back to the old ben liao..seldom tell ppl how i feel, jus do things that i wan..hehex, now blogging is the only thing and place that i reveal my feelings..those that wanna noe what is happening to me jiu must keep viewing my blog le lorx =)..leave a tag too~!! ^o^

11:02 PM Tuesday, May 13, 2008

hehex..jus finish playing audi wif bella, long time nv play wif her le..she become pro in chaining le worx..haha, fun playing wif her sia..so relax and happy =)..miss her lorx, sooo long nv meet dao liao..she's been kinda busy ba..hehex, later pei her talk talk awhile b4 she slp =)..take care all, nitey~ ^o^

11:55 PM Monday, May 12, 2008

hehex..back to blogging today..gonna announce a new chapter of life begins..wanna live my life to the fullest and enjoy it to the max =)..actually last few weeks i have been thinking abt me,jen and bella..i didn't noe if i really like bella or issit bcos of jen then i treat bella good like a healing process for my heart..that's why i have been holding back myself in doing things that i wan..but now i think back, memories of jen is definitely there and it is very normal..

Now i noe very clearly that actually i like bella and it's not bcos i treat her as substitute or what..she gives me a feeling, feel very relax when talking to her, feel happy when i hear from her..gonna move on wif my life le =)..I'm not hoping for anything or what..i'll jus let things goes naturally, jus wan to be myself and be there for bella when she needs me, i also noe she's feeling kinda sad and bad mood recently..jus wish to be there and if can make her smile =)..sometimes when u noe ppl important to u are happy, u will feel happy too and that is what i wan..Jus wan bella to stay happy and healthy always..smile is what i learnt from bella..hehex, yst when i chat wif ven, actually she say from what she see i really like bella and she is the only person that so far makes me get over jen..btw i remove and keep the hp strip of me and jen le..gonna slowly let go of it le..lai every1 笑一个 xD

10:29 PM

quite sometime nv update my blog le..kinda lazy to blog, haha..today met up wif Liting and Liwen at West Mall, after that went to Bukit Timah there play pool and Audition..they both like crazy gals like that sia =x..after that went to meet ven for dinner..hmmx, talked quite alot of my feelings that i've kept in my heart..now feeling kinda weird, haha but i dun wanna think of anything..jus wanna stay happy and be myself =)

12:04 AM Tuesday, May 6, 2008

writing some of my feelings again..my heart feels so heavy sia..missing jen again..yst totally din slp at all..haix, keep looking at the pics..keep thinking back on the past, hao kai xin but now hao shang xin ><..trying to get some slp later..feel like going clubbing and pubbing..any1 wanna go drink? go relax once in awhile also good..maybe i wont stay at home so often le, keep going out like last time..dun wanna think le, cos i noe think also no use..maybe it's a kind of "tao bi" but nth i can think of now..hao la, mind in a total blank now..type also dunno what i typing le..take care all..

12:29 AM Monday, May 5, 2008

haix..jus watched my grandma funeral video..tears jus keep rolling down my face..miss my grandma..nth much happened today, maybe i shld say for a long time le..not really in the mood to go out wif ppl..feel like going to the beach alone..nth much to update, take care all..

9:13 PM

2nd post i wrote today..stupid dad, almost quarrel wif him..wanna lend camera to fren then ask me delete all pics..then i wanna transfer to com but cannot read the memory card..fking shit ask me why must keep so many pics..cant i even keep her pics? say what na de qi yao fang de xia..keep picture also got wrong issit? bloody shit..SUPER PISSED OFF..how i noe why i cant get over? he thought that i dun wanna get over ah..thought that i wanna forever like that hide myself at home? so blank and lost in doing everything recently..it's not what i wanted but i cant think of anything..in bus keep dazing, walk also think until almost fall down..going to her bday soon, dunno what i shld buy for her..my wish from last time is to celebrate for her but it doesn't seems to matter le..i got so many things that i keep inside my heart that i dunno how to express..dunno what to say..wo hao xin ku..

12:05 AM Sunday, May 4, 2008

nth happening recently..keep hiding myself at home..camping at home..feeling very down and bad mood recently..hao fan hao fan..stupid feeling inside my heart is haunting me again..有话说不出口..suddenly feel like crying sia..dunno what is happening to me..haix, i still cant get over..tried my best le, living on wif my life le..but i still cant get over those memories and pain T_T..why cant my tears wash off my pain in my heart?我的心好痛..dunno when can i move on wif my life..i dun wan anything liao, 死心了..maybe i would jus walk down this road alone..feel like letting everything out but jus dunno how..by crying? by going out wif frens? by saying it out? by trying new things in life? by knowing more ppl? i've tried it all..but i noe the main problem lies in me, not others..feel like hiding myself and be alone recently..so tired to put a fake smile or trying to be happy when I'm not..meet up wif ppl also dunno what to talk abt..haix..

10:59 PM Friday, May 2, 2008

quite sometime nv update my blog le..recently quite busy, alot of things happening also..haix, damn sian la..i feel that my temper very bad recently..feeling quite down recently..thinking of things..haix, jus cant get over some things..i jus want to stay happy and smile naturally, issit so hard? thought i found myself back and everything is ok le, but its not what i think it is..maybe i needa be alone for awhile..both mentally and physically tired..nv slp well for 1 month plus? yst nv slp..WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME~!! Getting to HATE MYSELF~!! jus wanna be strong and get over things, such simple things also cant do it well..

take care my frens..cya

6:18 PM